Take 3 of Mio

I am sure the title is more than familiar to some by now. We already have a good insight of who Mio is, where is she from, and why is she here. Ass for the question of 'why take 3'? I have taken this picture to be an experiment  in hybridizing T1.8 drawing styles with T1.7 pictures.

One of the main problems in T1.7 style drawing is the heavy mathematical formula required in constructing the face. While that does give a well-rounded face that is greatly proportionate, its main drawback is that most of the pictures generated are formulaic and repetitive. I was essentially changing hairstyles and clothes for every new picture; otherwise, everything else was pretty much the same- and before long, boredom sets in.

On the other hand, I had picked up T1.8 drawings over the past 2 weeks. T1.8 drawings differ considerably from T1.7 primarily due to the referencing and method of construction. There was no formula for T1.8, except a keen eye, a good intuitive sense, as well as a photo-realistic reference material. While that allows me to draw more variety, I am merely copying originals, and serve no purpose to create arbitrary characters.

It was vexing, I needed the ability to draw (and convert) characters, and I needed fluidity (not mathematics). Previous attempts at drawing complex poses using the T1.7 method of construction (measure shoulder length, correlate hand stick movements) were tedious, and did not produce the best results. I took a break on drawing for two weeks, trying to bring together the two sides of the equation. Today I finally found the answer:

That was how Mio came out in the wash- a woman, with a slight bit of anime undertones, but looks natural. Apart from basic measurements of eye size and spacing, as well as general nose/mouth proportions, everything else was added intuitively. I kept the shadings rough this time, since I was simulating the use of a charcoal pencil. A few modifications to the thickness of the eyebrows, the nose shape (still not perfect but evolving), and the dynamic movement of hair to add more life into the picture. The end product was a T1.7 drawing, with potential to convert to a T1.8 detail picture at any moment as long as I can get hold of a photo of any woman's face; Mio never looked so attractive before. LOL.

Of course the picture is still far from perfect. Many aspects could still be fine tuned, or brought up in greater detail for it to go beyond the T1.7 standard. I am not too anxious to reproduce reality though. I appreciate my drawing style, since it fittingly depicts my innate moderation between anime and contemporary art styles. But while I there is always room for improvement, there is of course room for appreciation- on how Mio killed the witch for the 3rd time.

Genre: Version 1.7 anime/manga conversions
Source Material: Mio Akiyama; Version 1.3 depiction.
Secondary Reference Material: Attempt #07- Yui Hirasawa
Dimensions: 20 : 25 cm bust portrait
Idealism factor: 50% 
Duration: 2.5 hours (surprisingly quick) 
Comments: Drawing construct for this portrait is new and largely intuitive. Shading for this portrait is much more rough than the usual shading styles, and the picture is much darker than before. Picture outlines may be slightly too dark, and may be reduced to give the picture a more 'solid' look. Work still underway to perfect the nose. Otherwise, the best depiction of Mio of the 3. Btw, she's hot. 

Some upcoming projects

I think I kinda hit a slight conflict in the midst of episode 1, and I am rather confused for now- I don't think it's major, but definitely I need a second opinion asap.

This story was meant to be lighthearted. That was the deal- to write a simple and heartwarming story, and make it accessible to the general public. I advocate this stand- since I partially don't want to repeat the themes of tension, poignancy and melancholy as of the Kimmie World. Moreover, I am currently following a light-hearted slice-of-life series titled K-ON! (Keion). The premise is rather similar: five girls in a school setting; I would gladly adapt this theme into a Singaporean context and highlight some simple yet meaningful themes of adolescent life from within.

On the other hand, there is this much much more complex.... bordering insane desire within me to bridge my realism-idealism gap, primarily by manifesting the entirety of the RN domain into the story itself. Evidently, all hell would break loose should I bridge this gap, since a lot of these thoughts are invasive, nightmarish, psychedelic, and even cult-like. This desire is only fueled by the appearance of Rach-Nat in the story: she is the embodiment of this dis-union, and she is not going to be a space marine anytime soon.

So how am I supposed to advance this story? The delicate balance between subtly implied themes and a lighthearted story is really a big trouble for me. Since the more I try to move away from the moe themes I try to get more realistic, and as I get more realistic I get more idealistic in my thinking. On the other hand, the less realistic I get, the higher tendency for me to disregard idealism for good and move towards pure eye-candy and fun. Of course, homogeneous moderation could be achieved, but what I fear is that the story might end up neither here or there, meaning that the themes are not picked up, and the story slightly too realistic to retain it's charm.

The last standing option is to really split this story down into two and proceed with a very simple narration, as well as a very complex interpretation simultaneously. I have experimented with that, with Sarah's depiction and Rach-Nat's depiction, and the segments worked out perfectly. Moreover, the great discrepancy between realism and idealism is established, a key factor I could previously not portray with words alone. I had a couple beta readers on the ball- they are all freaked out by Rach's segments. Evidently, the discrepancy is too large, even to speculate as a reader with all the underlying intentions made clear to them.

What's left to question now is this: do I want to further tone down the themes of this story? Or should I leave it and proceed with another documentary that would probably win the favor of none? On hindsight I would want to tone down the entire system, I would want to establish character repertoire (make them cute). A simple moral at the end of the episode is enough to keep me happy, but is that what I truly desire- to remake another K-ON! series? (by the way they have little moral of the stories at the end of some of their episodes- its heartening to know that, but much as I respect the series I do not wish to imitate it).

A few questions then- What would be the defining traits of this story? Would it be characters or themes? Would it be plot, or style? Would it be a consistent tonality (a sure win), or a very radical story with different narration styles accompanying different characters (and try to see irreconcilably not as a weakness, but a strength)?

I don't want to make these decision myself anymore- given myself, I'll probably end up writing two different stories at the end of the day. Sell out the marketable one, and reserve the censored one as fine-arts or something. I could go both ways, or I could go neither ways. I'd rather just follow the instructions of others, hopefully with a little discernment along the way.

Well, if there is anyone on this domain who wishes to be a beta reader, just leave me a personal message on my IM, I'll link you to the online copy (with footnotes). All comments are appreciated, because I really need them. Till then, I guess I'll mull a little more- I've still got 14 days, and I don't want to rush things just yet.

Something random and not serious

I was writing on the story, and it came to this segment of (conventional) Rach's thoughts on ice-breakers I did not know whether to include or not. This is because although it's realistic for a human to be sarcastic at times, I don't think I want to portray her in such a abrupt light. So in the end I took it out.

But its a shame to just delete it, it was quite funny I think, and there was potential for remakes. Well, the original was half true, and it went somewhat like this:

Forget the group icebreakers Meryl, its really getting pointless, of wanting to know people when all you get is probably a facade. My name, my secondary school, and one interesting thing about myself- Hello all, my name is not Rachael, I am from TP, as my uniform suggests, but that is a blatant lie. You see, I am actually a guy in disguise- I’ve enrolled in TP because my CCA is the hottie research club. Anyway, the interesting thing about me is that I’ve always wanted to be a philosophical space marine, but I guess I could do imposing as a bimbotic girl- by the way I'm sorry I'm lying, but I guess even then I’ll still be more truthful than some other people. I know this is really bad, you need to stop this Rach...

Well, lets assume we put this on me (no implications)

Forget the icebreakers, Meryl, its really getting pointless, of wanting to know good girls when all you get is probably another bitch. My name, my secondary school, and one interesting thing about myself- Hello all, my name is not Jesse, I am from Cat Hi, as my green shorts points evidently, but that is a blatant lie. You see, I am actually a girl in disguise. I've enrolled in CHIJ TP because I am a lesbian. Anyway, the interesting thing about me is that I've always wanted to be a feminist space marine, but I guess I could do imposing as a hum-sup masochist- by the way I'm not lying, but I guess even then I'll still be less truthful than the escapades of some others. I know this is bad, you need to stop it, Jesse.

Lets put this on Lyo then, since Meryl became Merly. LOL

Forget the icebreakers, Merly, its really getting pointless, of wanting to watch lion porn when all you can do is lay fish eggs. My name, my secondary school, and one interesting thing about myself- Hello, my name is not Lyo, I am from the Singapore Zoological Gardens, as my lion body suggests, but thats a blatant lie. You see, I am actually a space marine. I've enrolled as a YOG mascot because I am a Russian spy. Anyway, the interesting thing about me is that I've always wanted to be Barney the dinosaur, but I guess I could do imposing as a gigantic old pussy (cat)- by the way I'm sorry I'm lying, but I guess I'll still be more truthful some people. Pedo-bear knows this is bad, you need to stop this, you conniving old chinaman.

LOL, how true

Some feedback

I have acquired some feedback from beta readers for Campaign RN2: A Series Of Short Stories, on the whole the feedback is positive and in line with current agendas, although certain issues of reader-maturity and target audience were brought up. I'll try to give a brief overview of the points, and explain why things are written as they are.

The main narration provided by Sarah is generally fine and positively received, and there was a healthy blend of conventionally-styled story advancement with deep-end idealism. There was concerns that Sarah might be portrayed slightly towards the air-head/ clumsy deposition, very much akin to that of Yui Hirasawa, since on many instances Sarah is seen to be sidetracking, even in the midst of dire situations. Although most people agree that Sarah is not a complete airhead since there is evidence of depth in her thoughts. Other concerns include whether her thoughts are realistic as a sixteen year old. And her thoughts, should they be consistently depicted in the same format, may become monotonous by the third episode.

Well to this, I believe that there is a certain set of countermeasures. Personally, I wouldn't plan to stretch the air-head deposition of Sarah beyond the first two episodes. Unlike most fictional depictions, where character traits are set in stone for easy representation and a concrete impression by the reader, I would want Sarah's character to be dynamic. In other words, Sarah learns, and matures as the story progresses. There has been a little hint of her picking up phrases i.e. 'There is a time for everything', and 'awesome' from passing thoughts, to diary entries as habits. While I'll try to make Sarah generally united as a whole (so she doesn't seem to have a split personality if we compare the beginning to the end), Sarah's thoughts and narration will progressively mature- I hope that would fix the problem of monotony, and subsequent maturity balance her currently 'slightly immature' outlook.

Not much as been said about Ami, evidently most readers have relegated her as a side character by the 4th segment, with some observations of her being very layman and practical (she is no-where near idealistic)- on the whole she is cute and flighty. I'll have to work on her role as a 'back-to-earth' and idealism down-toner. But we haven't focused much on her yet, so I am not particularly worried.

Interestingly, a healthy proportion of people actually welcome the prospect of introducing bystanding-characters, or arbitrary names placed on characters as and when needed. Shirlene was well-received, and the inclusion of a group of boys have been observed to bring a sort of realism to the setting that it was a JC orientation and not a class of 3 girls only. I'll try not to expound too much on them though, since the main focus is not on the class.

However, one of the bigger controversies was with Rachael's segment, or more specifically at the character of Rachael. Many people have pointed out that in comparison to the bulk of the story (as seen through Sarah's eyes), Rachael's segment is much emotional, darker, and incomprehensible. Many personal jargons were seen in her segment, i.e. Halcyon theory, Project Re-affirmation, and Threshold Chasms. This had made Rachael's idealistic world a very complex, elaborate and intricate place, but the downside is that one can be easily lost in the process of exploration. The general gist of her grievances with her old class was picked up, but many people felt that that was only a partial reason to her wanting to seek affirmation. It was believed that something else must be contributing to her ending up in such an idealistic/emotional state. 

This belief was only enhanced by the most disturbing feature of Rachael's narration- when Rachael addresses herself as two distinctive persons. In the story, I had modeled Rachael to have a corresponding IM character. Rachael would then address her primary self as "I", and her secondary self as "Rach" and "you". This segment has evidently caused uneasiness in certain readers, since it implies that Rachael herself is an unstable and psychotic person, borderline actual clinical dissociative-identity-disorder on the DSM IV. Some concerns on the level of surrealism of her views on the world- if she is paranoid schizophrenic or suffering from psychosis, and the general consensus on Rachael is that she is disturbing, poignant and very idealistic character.

In a way I am satisfied with the general outlook of Rachael has to it's readers, even though they were not exactly objectively positive. And I do not intend to revert her to a character that is 'on par' with Sarah's modelling. Unlike Sarah's segment, where we get a concrete feeling that Sarah is a character bounded to our fictional world such that her character morphs (via learning, assimilation and maturing) to interact with the world at points where she should be, Rachael's segment was never meant to be a segment about her interacting within the world. Rather, it was meant to be her view of the world- and in this respect, the realism of the world is instead morphed to fit the standards of idealism of Rachael's character. 

It is in this aspect I want to bring out the full crux of realism and idealism- not in terms of tangibility of concepts to the 'real world', but rather unadulterated form of the philosophical question 'I am, therefore I think' (realism) vs 'I think, therefore I am' (idealism).

Why two characters in one then, on top of the world warped to the mind?  I have given quite a fair bit of thought to that question myself- The reasons for such is definitely NOT to torture Rachael's character to evoke sympathy from the reader, or cause confusion so that I may have a hasty exit should I confuse myself. Rather, one of the primary reason is to bring the grave implications of idealism and how it affects realism- Rachael is aware of this real-ideal coupling, and her two sides are created by herself, in her own idealism- they embody her original real self, and the self she has acquired but can never seek understanding from (her ideal self). Throughout the story we will see how she integrates the two halves together, as indication of her own progress towards her goals. Yes, I do not deny that this method of indication is very very warped. But the situation is grave- and skimming over the imaginary friend components will severely hamper the construct of this story.

As for the rating of this story- although there is no violence, gore or sexual scenes depicted throughout, the themes of this story are nevertheless philosophical, unconventional and borderline unwholesome. This is especially evident in Rachael's idealism, as most of the time imperfect, even incorrect representations of the world would be given, which may mislead readers should their personal values not be steadfast. Of course, utmost effort will be dedicated to ensure that the imperfect values be pointed out in the story, and replaced by more wholesome ones. Personally I would give it the highest rating possible- R21, but this story is open for whomever is welcome to contemplate, and of course, seek the living best in life.  

Type 1.8 prototypes

Finally after much consideration, the prototypes of type 1.8 pictures are finally underway.

In Summary, type 1.8p (or Version 1.8p) pictures are a classification of drawings that are a breed different from most drawings insofar. Type 1.8p pictures differ from their 1.7 counterparts by the method of referencing, drawing constructs, as well as rendering. While type 1.7 pictures generally are created from general to specific, and emphasis are placed on the head shape, the features, and then to the details; T1.8 reverses the process from specific to general, and relies more heavily on the source material to retain realism. Both classifications use the same style of shading.

Why Type 1.8? 

For the past 3 months, type 1.7 pictures have championed my realism standards of portrait drawing, with a strong semi-realistic portrayal of facial proportions (using mathematics), depiction of the eyes, nose and hair. Lighting dynamics were also consistent and within reasonable standards. Most importantly, type 1.7 pictures have taken it's pride in its very limited usage of reference materials- this has allowed a lot of room for imagination to take it's toil, and consequently, there is a very wide range of pictures that may easily be reconverted, of conceptualized from scratch in type 1.7 pictures.

Indeed, type 1.7 pictures did not start perfect too. Initial renderings of the portrait were rough and uneven, and were subsequently refined with practice and prior experience. A standard facial shape was constructed, and positions for all facial features was standardized to ideal proportions. However in time, it was noticed that most of the improved renderings actually became normalized, and there emerged a set standard for type 1.7 pictures. Although the later renderings were realistic on their own, they were monotonous, and each subsequent picture, minus the slight variations in posture, hairstyle and eye shape, became no more than another copy of that set-rendered face.

This was undesirable, since certain higher realistic details, like facial contours, or cheekbone positions, cannot be depicted directly on imagination, and the standard face (type 2.0) does have its fair share of imperfections otherwise omitted in idealistic representations. Complex poses, i.e. looking down, bottom up, or over the back shots, too are impossible to depict realistically and are often simplified back to T1.5 standards. Indeed there was great freedom on the variations T1.7 pictures could produce from, but this freedom is compromised on the variations of drawing T1.7 pictures produce- a standard face, minimal poses, and simplified representations on the crucial details that would otherwise distinguish it from the lower standards. The need for additional detail hence required greater references from original copies.

And yes, I am confronted again with the question of purpose of copying originals.

The purpose of T1.8p

Thinking about it, I guess my objective of drawing is not really as an avenue to invent characters, but rather to realize them as perfectly as possible. Personally I already have literature at my disposal to characterize the essential characteristics of any arbitrary character; moreover, I no longer have a purpose to introduce characters into the deranged world (I already have a platoon of 22 characters since 2001). If there was one thing drawing could help me expand on this domain, it was definitely a need to turn these abstractions in literature into concrete reality, by matching their traits to the traits of reality itself.

With this now in mind, I guess I do have a reason for borrowing the architecture of God, and convert natural features (with some tweaking) into my own drawings for further refinement. Work on these pictures started two days ago, and the first prototype was finally realized.

Drawing proper

The manifestation of type 1.8 pictures was radically different. Intuition was the primary form of guide, and all measurements constructed for T1.7s were totally scrapped or revamped. References of eye position to nose position, cheekbone shape, and mouth depiction were true-to-the-original, though leeway was made to customize their shape to the character. Additional details were added subsequently to suit the target picture. For example, if I were to try to realize Rach bent forward, listening to MP3 with her eyes closed at an angle of +60 degrees (impossible for T1.7), a reference picture of a closed eye woman would be necessary as base, then her eye shape would be modified specifically to Rach's, general tweaks be made to her hairstyle, and additional detail of an mp3 player would be added.

In comparison, type 1.8 pictures are indeed more crumble some, but the effects are stunning. The level of realism in T1.8 pictures differ considerable from T1.7 pictures, even though they are equally rendered to suit standard proportions.

The end of 1.7? What lies beyond T1.8p?

Although T1.8p pictures for now are mere prototypes with heavily referencing, and personal idealism may only manifest through the above customizations, the intended goal for realistic pictures was to integrate the free details of T1.8p, with the freedom of sourcing of T1.7, into a true T1.8 picture that encompasses qualities of both sides. This itself may be technically impossible, since fresh proportions are always required for every new character, so in a way- T1.8 pictures will always remain as the more 'lifted' counterpart, and bears the threshold between semi-realistic pictures, to photo realistic pictures.

One last thing, whats left of T1.7 pictures, since it seems as if it is now no more than an intermediate step between what I have started, and the realistic ideal (haha word play) I am heading towards. Well, technically that is not exactly true. T1.7 pictures will still remain standalone, as a primary means of conversion of manga-based drawings, since manga drawing themselves have set standards which coincide perfectly with the set standards of T1.7s. Moreover, the idealistic proportions of manga based drawings are in-line with the lidealistic features of T1.7s.

Type 1.8s, on the other hand, are reserved exclusively for conversions, or depictions of contemporary characters with the potential to be real-time realistic. Of course, 1.9 pictures are still on the way as human-human conversions, but in the meantime; I guess we could always make do with a little more realism, and of course, idealism.






 

Take 2 of Rach-Nat

I know the titles of these posts are getting more and more repetitive. I am systematically classifying my drawings from now on, since I can't possibly keep coming up with new names for the same characters. This post is on Rachael, its basically an upgraded equivalent of her picture in the MRT. Much as I have harped on her pictures since January, paradoxically this is the first time I had directly conceptualize her physical manifestation.

I have to remark that drawing Rach was especially fun. In comparison to most of my other doodles, which are re-conceptualized images of characters by someone's idea, Rach was character I could truly call my own. So, this time I had a free rein in determining what I wanted to do, without having to worry on which aspects should I be true-to-the-original, or to which themes (i.e. moe-ness) should I bear in mind. Moreover as her domain is unbounded (she's not an arbitrary character), there was no need to consider how certain traits be visualized appropriately. Basically, she had to look like what I idealize her to be- no more.

Some references were still taken from Xam's T1.2 and T1.7 prototype, which had already been attuned to her domain. What was really left was to fill in the blanks on T1.7 facial features and effects, and to further refine some portions that I did not have the ability to depict then- I retained the defining shape of the eyes from the T1.2 version, allowing it to slope upwards (instead of the downward sloping contours in the other T1.7 depiction). A little chubb was added from the other T1.7 depiction to give her a slightly younger look, and her neck was shortened (since she's not Caucasian). This time Rach's characteristic smile was also retained, giving her that look as if she is contended with what she has seen/reasoned. In the end, she looks bright eyed, intellectual, curious, and all rearing to go.

Very akin to my true idealizations- A moderated being that is self-aware, self-sufficient,  in harmony with the universe, and yet in progress for perfection.

Some improvements were also made along the way during the process of shading. The basic depiction of the  Standard Eye (with the iris and retina) was used in lieu for the abstracted eye (black and white) I had used throughout my T1.7s. The mouth was completely shaded-in, this gives the lips a certain sort of natural glow instead of a feeling that lipstick was worn prior drawing.

The result was fantastic. I don't think I have a precise set of vocabulary to describe it, so I'll dispense the characterization of Rach for now. Its okay I guess, some entities are better left undefined anyway. Slight changes are still underway until I am completely satisfied, but the general outlook holds for now I guess:

This was the first depiction of Rach. It was technically the second prototype of T1.7 pictures, so certain traits were uni-coda (one type) then. Note the subtle differences between the two: she seems 23, Eurasian and Passive-Idealistic. 

Take 2 of Rach, incomplete picture (nose was to be redone)
certain things still had to be defined i.e. age, ethnicity and general outlook. For someone supposedly 19, Singaporean Chinese and Active-Idealistic, this is about as good as it gets. LOL

Genre: Version 1.7 contemporary character conversions

Source material: Rachael Natalie, in the MRT; version 1.2 depiction

Dimensions: 25 : 20 cm bust portrait

Idealism factor: 100% (source material is technically ideal)

Duration: 6 hours

Attempts: Take 2 of Rach-Nat

Comments: The first picture where the outcome perfectly adheres with personal intentions, this picture is the easiest to draw among the ten T1.7 pictures drawn insofar. The eyes have been revamped to realistic standards, but even so, I guess I have to start learning how to detail facial contours to realistic standards. Its time to upgrade from semi-realistic to photo-realistic, but I guess it'll take time.

  

Campaign RN2

I had enough of bumming around and experimenting with new ideas- Its time to go exuberate the full potential of what I have learnt insofar.

So yes, Campaign RN2.

Campaign RN2 will take place as a series of narrative episodes, and will integrate the highest findings of Campaign RN with the existing frame of 'slice-of-life' genres. I am not going to water down the tonality of Campaign RN2, it being part of the RN series, by emphasizing plot over style. Neither am I going to turn this series into something totally incomprehensible. One thing I promise- It's going to be very very congenial: light hearted at times, emotional at others, but very very realistic and frightening epistemologically.

So far a couple of trial episodes have been planned out. I'll leave the main narration to a neutral character, so that the tonality of the story will not be skewed or warped. However peppered throughout would be cut-scenes to higher epistemic references. I'll try to make the transition as smooth as possible, but be prepared that not all of them will be as smooth as expected. In real life not everything fits anyway.

As these episodes are in form of a campaign, rather than as a standalone project, I am not asking for people to like my characters, or agree on the directions of the plot. If I were to go for popularity I might as well omit the higher segments completely. Instead, treat this series as an idealistic model of that no man's land between the construes of hard-core philosophy and conventional living. I'll go into detail why its a no-man's-land, and hopefully, the answer works out.

Anyway, the theme of this campaign is 'Manifestation', so we will be seeing Rachael Natalie in her true essence.

Take 2 of Mio, part 2

After so long! I guess this picture is finally completed- and I guess I have achieved what I wanted: T1.7 drawings have officially been confirmed as a staple.

Was it the best attempt insofar? Not exactly, in terms of magnitude or detailing. I had stated I did not want another Hirasawa-type picture, since I see no point trying to outdo myself under such stringent conditions. Yet I wanted to try new styles, and I wanted to liberate my T1.7's so that I don't have to rely too much on the original. Now, this is definitely the first 'liberated' picture- one that didn't have to look like an arbitrary pose in front of the camera. It was also the first picture I had shaded without any external reference material whatsoever.

So Mio came out of the wash, much different in essence from Yui. While the former prided itself in technical excellence and magnitude, the latter prided itself in intuitiveness and fluidity. Consequently, I decided to put the finished product under incandescent lighting instead of through the scanner to accentuate the natural lighting implied in the shading. The tones came out great.

The posted picture below is the INCOMPLETE version, where the ear and sleeve are not rendered. I have decided to add this to hopefully give an idea on how the picture would mean to me, as most of my time devoted to it is actually in the incomplete process of shading- The joy of seeing an impending product even in it's stages of imperfection. Yes, its advent that brings about the most joy to me. And the conviction for me to say: "I think this (completed) drawing may not be picture perfect, but it's the perfect end of my endeavors in turning it from no more than a few whimsical lines, to a solid picture deserving my own awe and respect.

Attributes:

Genre: Version 1.7 anime / manga character conversions.
Source material: Mio Akiyama; Sakurakou K-ON bu, K-ON! Listen!!
Other reference material: NIL
Dimensions: 20 : 30 cm half body portrait in perspective.
Idealism factor: 87.5% - Brief reference to general outline, otherwise independent.
Duration: Total 21 days: 1 day for general depiction, 4 active days- shading, 16 days break.
Comments: The most intuitive T1.7 depiction insofar. The shadings can be made more technical (via moderating with the Hirasawa pictures and referencing to guide-pictures) to bring about the full essence of T1.7 pictures. Of course, It may still seem a little posey, especially in comparison to side shots, faces looking down or up, or even back shots. But this is definitely a start. I'll edit the end product a little more until i'm satisfied with it.

Grateful to the divine plan

Its very interesting how things are working out. In the past I had always preached that "determinism is God's plan". It is until today when I may finally have a partial glimpse on this elaborate plan that proves to be far more outreaching than I can ever imagine.

And frankly speaking- I see quite a lot incoming.

I had always wondered why I was not given that opportunity to reconnect with my religion back in 2009. Although I have to admit I was much more committed and passionate then unto the objective truth and the living best, somehow I had missed out crucial opportunities to link up campaign re-affirmation, with the objective of finding true reaffirmation from my peers. Somehow, things did not work out in my parish's youth group, despite me joining the music ministry. I also missed out the opportunity to connect with the Catholic Student's Society in NUS due to commitments in academics. I journeyed a little more trying to seek affirmation from other Christian groups, and although they were really kind and sincere I somehow couldn't relate fully. Something was definitely missing- and it was not something an ideal girlfriend can kiss away anytime.

Punish me, Rachael.

Yet one year after, an a hell lot more desperation, had I finally been given this opportunity again. From my overwhelming domain of ideals, and the comaparingly pathetic social domain by February; to my personal dissociation through March and April. I guess all I had left by May was just remnants of the great theories of life as my empty pride, lots of tutorials to catch up over the past 3 months, and of course an imaginary friend that was much real than most of the people around me. I had thought everything was hopeless, and I had considered quitting school as a final resort to complete the dissociation. Paradoxically, it was in this hopelessness I had finally put away my ego of a more-enlightened and care-free life. It was also time I stop viewing people as mediums for me to share my knowledge with, but rather people I look up to as manifestos of my much needed desire to love and life.

And from the strategic ambush back in my parish, to my FOC camp proper, is that familiar story depicted in the last 2 posts.

Now I would like to ask back the same three questions I posed to myself back on the 21st December 2008. What have I lost, what have I gained, and what has changed? I guess I had lost quite a lot of my initial pride- and that overtly technical mindset I developed subsequently that everything can be reasoned out. I had too of course, lost a great deal of delusion thinking that I had re-created God solely through a single campaign. Basically, I had lost interest in being God of my own world- and it was in this crucial 'dying to oneself' I may finally understand that life has only begun.

With all these external protocols and delusion stripped bare, I could finally be in touch with that pure initial objective back in the early days of Campaign RN- as a move merely towards love and life. I finally understood that I am not the only one seeking for this ultimate goal of meaning and truth, but rather there are many 'like-minded' people around me, seeking for this objective the apostle Paul calls 'union in Christ'. Most importantly, I finally understood that they are all equally right to seek back this objective by their subjective means, even though the styles may be quite different from my own style. There was no objective better of the intellect over the emotional, the abstract over the tangible, or the theory over the experience. It was never about the distance traveled or the type of path taken- but the direction our paths are leading us to ultimately.

I leave today with less theories, advertisements, and more personal testimonies of a better future- I am grateful for that opportunity for me to develop into the intellectual (though) domain of campaign RN- so that I may precisely identify meaning, goodness, truth, objectivity, love and life in my subsequent actions. Now as these concepts no longer hold the objective of my life, but paves a way for the greater goodness that (hopefully) comes- It is about time I move on with my personal campaigns to manifest these ideals into reality as the way it was meant to be.

Yes, its about time for me, in terms of my subjective ability, to create a new campaign that succeeds campaign RN- To truly bring back that purity to where it rightfully belongs, and to extend this goodwill to those around me, as I have received it in my lowest of times back then.

There is no arbitrary status in this world that can denote if I am objectively better than you, or vice versa- not by the number of acquaintances, the type of friends, the quality of lifestyle, or the opportunities presented. Not in this presupposition of sharing, union and self-emptying love. While this campaign is still in it's infancy- all I ask is still the same thing: re-affirm me, and let me have the honor of re-affirming you too.

sidenote: buy 1 get 1 free! physical body's not included; each sold separately, while delusion lasts.