Makeover

No I am not talking about an image makeover.

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 I would like to keep this little space more as a rest haven- to pen down personal thoughts, and deranged ideas ( not too much I hope ); all within the comfort and security of my mind, and the ability to share them via this avenue of expression. I do not intend to commercialize or overrate it too- all but a simple avenue to express myself as who I truly am....

The Beginnings, 29th September 2007

Deep within me I know that the original purpose for this space is getting obsolete. I don't think this calls for an emotional outburst, since there is really nothing much to be afraid of moving out of personal reflection and back into the the community. Yes, I still and will always have my own personal thoughts, and so there will be no worry for me losing it. However there will no longer be a need for deranged ideas, a rest-haven confined within a world of words and self-affirmation. Most importantly, I believe that my identity- our true identities need to go beyond this petticoat of secrets, excerpts and posts.

Three nights ago I had attended the SEng retreat leaving the bulk of old regrets and insecurities behind. It had only turned out that I had always wanted things to be done according to my own will, and that I had all but forgiven myself over the years. It had really been a self-reproaching session, one that had climaxed itself during reconciliation. Through the three talks I was left with a rough inkling of what should be done to be a true neighbour, a true disciple, and ultimately a person true to myself. Tonight, God-allowing, it is indeed a good time to finally put all of these into actions.

I do not know what holds for me beyond today- This domain will still remain, however there should be a change in its motivation- from one that is focused on the self- hopefully to one that outreaches to the community. No campaigns, no self-initiated projects, and no more acting in accordance to my own will. I'll try to discern my personal vocation (at least, with respect to this domain)- but in the meantime, lets pray for the courage to see to the changes that may be yeah?

=)

God grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;

Enjoying one moment at a time;

accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

Taking, as He did, this world as it is, 

and not as I would have it (my way).

Trusting that He will make all things right

if I surrender to His Will.

That I may be reasonably happy in this life,

and be supremely happy with Him

forever in the next.

Amen.

Compromisation

Notice: Dear all, my primary email account: j_limsy@hotmail.com is no longer in effect with effect from 6th May 2011 due to security issues and account compromise. Please do not email/ instant message/ contact me on that domain. 

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Yes, as what is stated above, my primary email account has been compromised due to security issues. I will not deny that this is indeed a major impact to my social network- Many contacts accumulated over the past 6 years have been wiped out in an instant, along with saved files, old forwarded emails and other things of note. And while that email address had always reflected an emissary-esque reference to me back in JC, the losing of this email account resembles the losing of a close friend, or that of a brother.

On first glance a feeling of regret would creep in. There will be multiple contacts within I would not be adding back in my new account - many of them my ex-classmates from CJC (T31, T23) and IJC (S12). Although we had used to chat extensively for hours after school, time and circumstance had slowly eroded in after graduation, taking its toil even on the deepest relationships. I do not blame anyone for this residation of commitment anymore: it had taken me more than three years to understand the necessity of transition- and losing of people, for one to release himself the shackles of halcyon, reminiscence and stagnation. Yet now in the knowledge that a great deal of it is unrecoverable now, a certain notion of regret nevertheless persists-

People who once helped developed my character, people whom accepted me for who I had been, even though I had been little more than a ignorant child. People whom had inadvertently taught me lessons on trust and love, paradoxically through the actions of politics, backstabbing and jealousy. Confrontations of romance and confrontations of ideology; campaigns for friendship and trust, for love, for the halcyon days, and for the acceptance of facts when they failed. Campaigns for the realization of my identity, for truth and finally for meaning. I could have written a book about these events, and this account had been that loyal diary that had seen through this story down to the word.

I had stated earlier the necessity of transition. Although I would always attribute the beginning of my social domain with the setting up of that account, it is nevertheless imperative to understand this this is no more than a phase of development, and that as with those people I have met I will eventually have to go beyond this diary of stories. Through the years, other domains had been set up: Thoughts of a Deranged Mind (Feb 2007), A personal blog (Sept 2007), Friendster and Facebook (Feb 2008), hosted Project Reaffirmation over two other blogs (2009-2010), as well as create a subsidary Hotmail account for the facilitation of reconciliation and communion (now my current account). Yes, they too are temporal. In fact, in light the the permanence of the spirit (can allude back to the centrality of God), all these remain no more than mere quantifiers.

What would happen beyond today then? From herein a compromise has to be made on this compromised account- to let do with our inadequacies of yesterday, to accept and treasure today, and develop to a more holistic being  tomorrow. These words resonate with the advice friends had encouraged me a few days ago (another story by itself). Indeed, today is a good day for manifestation.

Update for the term

Today is the 6th May 2011.

On Wednesday the fifth and final modular examination for this academic semester had come to a close. Basic theory commenced the day after, and two days later this excerpt is written.

It is quite amazing how far we have progressed since the last excerpt. The last post had us in a slurry of confusion and apprehension- with study schemes intertwined with NS regimes, Lenten seasons and bookings to form a calendar jammed packed to the day. Yet it near miraculous that we had managed to pull through without yielding. Momentarily the homunculus resonated- a continuous persuasive voice to turn inward as before, but this time we no longer fall short to our iniquities. Onslaught is over, and we are no longer alone this time.