Journey Home (part 1 of 9)

I had been mulling about the past few days, in spite of my commitments to driving, meeting up with various groups of people and reservist. I had wanted badly to note down my experiences in CSS FOC 11, yet somehow no matter what I tried nothing seemed to get together. I guess I knew that that moment of joy I had experienced during reconciliation night was exceptional- something I had truly never experienced for nearly half my life. Yet even when I was allowed to host a sharing session of my journey in FOC on day 2 the words could never truly come out. Somehow, the events leading up to that very moment during FOC were all interconnected, and date back for years. I had written posts on some of these events, and they may be found on this blog. Today I believe that I may have to revisit some of them once more. 

Yes, as previously stated this blog has definitely moved on from a mere log of events from time to time- to one that hopefully shares, inspires and seeks guidance from others. Coincidentally, it had been my wish to write one coherent story to sum up my experiences leading up to that moment of joy on the 16th June 2011. So after much thought, maybe I am allowed one last grandfather story to rewind back, and share in all earnestness the marvels that He has enacted unto me. I sincerely do not wish to take any credit to this, and I hope that instead of boring people out I may actually rub off some hope and joy instead.  

I don't know how long this series of posts will take- and the ultimate direction this new way of blogging may take me, but I guess it's okay. Dear all, I am about to start rattling off once again- I do not promise eloquence, and neither do I promise entertainment; however if there is one thing that I would promise- that would be sincerity in every word. Yet should there be one instance if any of these posts may offend, please do sound out yah? 

Let it not be my, but Thy will be done.  

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Introduction

In actuality the 'first' cause should be about 10 years ago in 2001, but due to it's age and the need for succinctness I shall start on December 2008 instead. People more familiar with the older posts in this blog will notice that this period of time between December 2008 to today is known to me as the 7th Age. In short it can be briefly summarized as thirty months of reconciliation, and it is one of the most radical periods of life. 

15 noteworthy events had taken since December 2008, and they may all be considered as a milestone to life. Some of these were outright miracles filled with joy and hope, and others seemingly were totally depressing events filled with endless sufferings with no reason whatsoever. Yet bearing in mind that this story is interconnected, I would like to encourage people in a crisis that even the most pointless of suffering there is meaning in it (I'll explain why asooner). Without further ado, they are listed as below:    

1) The beginning of the 7th Age: It all started with some time out (Block leave #03) 

2) Campaign Re-affirmatioN- My 1st campaign for Truth and a better life.

3) ORD: Transition from Military to Student, Immersion into the a world of media.

4) Special semester- the initial project RN (T) shines.

5) NUS Semester 1: The fine balance between academics, socialization, and idealism. 

6) RN(T2), the campaign for meaning and love in loneliness

7) The mark of dissociation of my Identity.

8) The end of the intellectual sub-domain of campaign RN. The surrender of the self.

9) NUS CSS FOC 2010, and my 2nd campaign for a holistic spiritual-social life

10) The slow journey of reconciliation of the love ideal with actuality.

11) The end of First Campaign, CSS Retreat 2010, and CAW 2011

12) Lent- the rise and fall of self-denial

13) Driving, RT and outings- time that I may not takeout

14) SEng retreat 2011- JOY

15) NUS CSS FOC 2011, the official end to the campaign for reconciliation, the official end to the 7th Age.

For now none of the above 15 events should make much sense, although we may be familiar to some of the camps and retreats from 9- 15. In the following posts I'll go into greater detail how each of them have actually brought me to realize some themes of life and love. Till then, do take care, and God love you. 

notice (temp)

okay there is a really long post coming up- cant get the words right yet.

brb =D

An update to the self

School's out, and life just got busier.

Two weeks before the exams I had painted a rosy picture of pure decadence: I was lying on soft fluffy mattresses, with large plump pillows, snuggly blankets, mellow orange lighting, and the air-con on. The ambient music shall be 'Sentimental" by Kenny G (just listen to it and u'll know why), and I'll be balancing a tray on my stomach. On it would be my laptop- with one tab tuned to facebook, and beside the laptop would be a tub of chocolate ice-cream. I carried that ideal throughout reading week and right into the exams. I thought I was going to bum my way through those five papers, apparently I did.

That rosy mental imagery never came to life, though. Immediately after the exams I had been whisked away by an onslaught of commitments and preparations it became increasingly difficult to make time out for myself. Basic theory of driving came the day after the last paper, and following which would be a bevy of driving practical lessons (33 subjects) leading to the final practical test. Then came physical trainings that would stretch on till mid June, 20 sessions each taking up 4 hours at a time. SEng camp came shortly after on the 11th-13 June, bringing about a commitment to move on from personal concerns to an outreach to the community and back to Him. Following which, came about the preparations for the freshmen orientation camp- I had initially wanted to come in as a befriender- to sit in on afternoons and chill, yet from the unfolding of events it seems that I am now instead a facilitator of this cute group: "bloop bloop bloop" and tasked with a sharing session with the freshies about my journey into CSS. Peppered in between these days would be catch-ups with friends old and new, all of which I take pride in attendance.

Well at least this time it wasn't that bad. I had tried to make an conscious effort to not let myself be carried away by the technicalities of these activities and meet-ups. It was simply not worth compromising personal spiritual development for all the rah-rah-ness of FOC, or for the gah-ness of training, or for whatever-come-lately. Lately I've been lurking a little longer than usual on Facebook, trying identify and catch up with groups of people I have not contacted recently, and hopefully plan occasions to meet and celebrate a couple of belated birthdays. Prayers come in pretty often now (well slightly more than before the exams), and I hope this keeps up. Most importantly, there will be a need for me this week to find a few half-days to sit down and spiritually prepare myself for this upcoming FOC. Amidst all the fun and games, service and socializations, there needs to be an underlying understanding that all these are done not for the sake of fun, or personal achievements- but rather for the building up of His community in His Grace.

Nevertheless, easier said than done. What I see in-front of me would be the most taxing three weeks of my life, with FOC, driving and reservist to sum up the trainings. Till July comes with cake, and hopefully some good old fashion nuah-time. In the meantime this balance needs to hold- one fine line between productivity and burning out, and the other fine line between doing for the sake of His glory, and doing for the sake of doing/ my own glory. Still, I would definitely appreciate the occasional hello/ meet up.

Yes people, stay safe this summer- and have fun!