What say you?

Came across this, paradoxically in a comic.
No harm thinking about it too...

Beyond Project RN

...I have came to understand much today:

I had watched loved ones age and die. Seen places that used to be familiar change completely.

I looked on as people repeat the same mistakes over and over again; Never learning from the past.

I have seen evil in the face, manifested in the actions and thoughts of man.

All this pains me greatly, I do wish to change the world then, with what I learned.

But I know that all is fruitless:

A vanity, and no more than an empty pride of humanity.

I am just a small speck in a grand scheme of things.

A creation, rather than a creator.

But yet if this truth incapacitates me, it still relieves me.

That I do not have to burden of the world upon me- and I am free to live as an individual.

That there is still a myriad of beautiful unique things I have yet to experience and learn:

Another aspect of truth I could not have understood previously-

of the beauty of creation, of love, and of individuality.

Of course my personal wish of idealism will never cease-

But much as I would to create a better world for humanity I must respect the essence of individuality and freedom.

To not impose my subjective objectivity upon this world of objective subjectivity.

But to accept and appreciate my role as a human, even should I wield authority in the future.

I can only carry on appreciating this grand system I partake of-

And use my knowledge for the restoration and union of this system.

To retain yet to improve, to remain free and yet to unite.

Though my understanding may never be complete,

Indeed- I have come to understand much today....

The onset

Today was madness- Evidently I was slightly off in my last assumption, Uni is indeed a simple thing after all-

Simply hard, that is.

We started off with a nice simple pendulum. Nice bobby thing that does simple harmonic motion, and measures time fairly accurately. Pretty linear motion, very deterministic, very very simple.

Plot a graph of velocity against time, plot a graph of angular deflection against time, now plot a graph of angle deflection against velocity.... okay- those are sec 4 physics, a bit rusty but I can make do with what i still remember.

Now, class- imagine the length varies sinusoidally too. Imagine its a child on a swing: when the swing goes up he tucks in his legs, and when he comes down he stretches his legs to propel himself. Quite understandable, the child does some work to increase momentum and acceleration. Not yet, now imagine the hulk did the same on a swing, keeping his stretching and extending constant like another sine curve all the time.

okay, chaos sticks in..... same graph of angle deflection against velocity, except it now looks a little bit off.

Piss Mr hulk off and make him work harder dudes- let the hulk pendulum go all over around the world! watch the graph! Says Mr Lecturer.

HUH?? The graph got psychotic, and Jesse went along. Just when I got to understand what was going on, Mr Lecturer zoomed in a corner of the graph (called a map) and rotated it 45 degrees! Suddenly there was a new X and Y axis and what was diagonal was now vertical. Okay, they are compressing from here (vertical) to there (horizontal)... Okay man... this is freaky- this is my threshold of comprehension man, you can stop right here right now....

Nope- u gotta calculate it... Matrices came out (what>?!), divergence means unsteady, convergence means steady.... now English came out... "Homoclinic points", "stable and unstable manifolds"... Moral of the story?

(X {n+1})= A{n}X{o}, A is the matrix {waddddd}

English- cheem
Mathematics- Unorthodoxy (kinda revenge of the O levels, cuz its ultimately sec 4 stuff)
Concepts- still chaotic in essence (no puns intended)


OKAY- STOP, I DUN WANNA HEAR ANYMORE!!!!


I asked around after class- mainly to the guys there were of the first year too, since I guess they also have no clue what on earth was going on after two years of 'waiting for further instructions'. Some of them regretted taking up this module. Some of them felt like dropping the subject after they went through this psychotic lecture... they said its possible to appeal out since its special terms and stuff, and probably they are right.

But there was this year 2 guy who was really helpful- he said it was quite easy actually, although he said that his understanding might not be complete. Later we sat down and actually managed to prove the whole thing out again before playing l4d on his lap top. (you go to uni to play left 4 dead? have you gone psycho with the lecture Jesse?)

Nope. Indeed, what really matters ultimately is conquering this madness. We could take the easy way out and just drop the idea- or we could stick through it and kick its ass. Yes, either way will help us not to see this problem again, But dropping the subject at the first term is not something I would consider a positive conquest of the subject at hand-

Yeap, uni is going to be though- psychotically tough, conceptually at the very least. But new knowledge was never meant to be simple, because if we could find existing concepts to explain and deduce new knowledge then it won't be really new in essence after all right?

But to really learn new things (and want to learn new things) is to stick it through while enjoying the new madness that keeps coming at our faces.

Its also interesting to note that much of my current module is counter-intuitive. If we were to paint a mental picture of the thing to explain the logic we're end up with a soup of really unpredictable... things that will reflect in the motion of our eyes (@.@). Well the moral of the story ( i got) today is this advice:

When intuition fails (like in the case of this lecture), stick to deterministic logic (at least you know you are right). When logic seemingly fails- when the odds are just logically overwhelming, or when studying gets psychotic, the intuitive experience (and appreciation) can help convict the self.

Little tidbit from my other psycho blog, oh well- they are all thoughts of a deranged mind after all.

Whats the moral of the story Jesse? Let me quote you Left 4 Dead:

Stick together and stay alive dudes. Alright ladies, we've got tanks....

Punk'd

Alright guys, if you thought the first day was chaotic enough, think again.

What happened, Jesse? you guys all say- whats worse than going into a lecture class without printed notes and chaos theory and background information and tutorial classes and guided learning... and of course: the stupid little toilet?

Aha, what about going for a lecture class without knowing that it was just canceled 2 hours ago?

That was stint #2. If the 1st day was madness, the 2nd day was punk'd.

Wednesday, day 2 of N, lecture classes confirmed on timetable: 8am-10am at LT 24. Departure- fine. Reached- on time. Faculty- located. Lecture Hall- located. Canteen- cool. Library- just right there. And this time: Toilet- location remembered.

So I waited outside the lecture hall with some guys waiting for the lecturer to come.

7.40- 4 guys,
7.50- 4 guys,
7.55- 5 guys,
8.00- 5 guys,

Now wait a minute, where are the girls?

More importantly, where is Mr Lecturer?

8.10- something smells wrong. We started to worry... what if the venue was changed or timing postponed? Perhaps it only started at 8.30, because the lectures were changed from 2 hours to 1 h 30 mins. We all tried to enter the dark lecture hall, but everytime we never managed to make it past the gloom of the 1st set of doors. we saw the darkness behind the 2nd door- it was deterring.

In the end came a year 2... he was playing DOTA before, and even he couldn't take it anymore, and he suggested that we should check the online thingy for any announcements. 5 psychotic dudes peered into the tiny screen- and saw the most beautiful of announcement:

Workload won't exceed 6 hours/week, Lecture lessons canceled today, cya on Monday dudes. Time of announcement: 0600

Boo! Punk'd baby! orh, how.... amazing.

The JC student would have went yipee and went back to class 75 m away to play soccer at the back of the room, the guy who was playing DOTA said yipee and Alt-Tab back to his game... as for the poor uni student who traveled 24 km just for this lecturer didn't know what to do. Self study... whats there to study on day 2? Go home... are you crazy?

So I walked around the place, took the shuttle bus here and there, got lost at Prince George's Park, found out the location of the co-op and the central library, read a little on my subject, and once more: waited for things to happen. Thank God I had the opportunity to discuss mathematics in the afternoon at the central library- at least the day was not in vain...

So whats the moral of the story, Jesse?

Check online every 2 hours, even its just day 2.

And the first day was chaotic...

So it seems- school has finally started for the aimless and the disorientated; finally there can be order to this lawless world of mine.... School that is of course, the beginning of my special term- and the first taste of university life.

Now wait a minute Jesse, did you say order?

This morning came naturally. They had informed me that special term will start on the 11th May (in small print); and since 3 days ago when I finally found out that the day was no longer tentative I had been prepared for it. Okay- lecture hall 24, Faculty of Science, 8-10 in the morning then 12-2 in the afternoon. I packed some foolscap paper and pens and a calculator into my bag the night before, for the fun of it I brought along Project RN and some pictures I drew the week before.

Departure- fine. Reached- on time. Faculty- located. Lecture Hall- located. Canteen- cool. Library- just right there. Wait a minute?! Where's the toilet?

No that was not intended to be chaos... I guess the chaos would most probably come with the lecture.

It is really a stark jump how you are really left on your own to study and excel in universities. Back in Junior Colleges, lecture notes were printed (partially), and all you had to do is to sit there and copy in the other half. There was always a need to take attendance formally, although the corrupted DC would most probably submit a pre-checked attendance register with a perfect turn-out even if it was just only him in the lecture theater. The power point slides were full of points to mark and copy, and all these were prompted time and again by the flustered lecturer who kept repeating: "alright, I'll now give you some time to copy this down. It's very important..."

Nope- no more dudes (esp all you army ppl with your PSPs and waiting for further instructions). You are armed with whatever you brought and a pair of ears only. Eyes dun really help much, cuz there is very little points on the power point slides. Everything noteworthy is verbal- the lecture is really like a series of discussions (think Moderation Doctrine being read out by Jesse and saved in wav format in my other blog). You take note on your blank foolscap paper what you deem as take-away and you digest all the other eat-ins along the way. After that, make sure you clarify what you don't know or what you thought you know but didn't hear properly. Cuz there wun be strategically placed indicative spaces in your notes to tell you what you have missed out or misunderstood. In fact, there will just be blank spaces that look the same everywhere.

Not that it's bad- I prefer this kind of learning actually. Such learning calls for an active participation of information imparted by the lecturer; and instead of hearing the daily groans as the lecturer recites what he has memorized from the textbook the night before, you get to hear his personal opinions and interpretation to the subject being taught- and oh my what an infinity of concepts does he have to talk about his subject (since hes a professor and not some other teacher mind you). We were ad-libidum to pause, question, digress and evaluate information when necessary (partially becuz my group only consists of 47 ppl today). Just as long as receptivity levels were at 100 percent integrity, what really stands between you and the examination is what you gain from the lecturer and the reference books in the library.

yesh- of course the professor can't possibly talk about everything in 2 hours- and you don't know what you have yet to know, so the complimentary method is to do compliment his information with reference books that he'll introduce to you. The price of external-freedom, if I were to comment, is self-imposition.

Perhaps the learning style and sudden freedom may initially seem chaotic, but if we are able to see beyond the childish conceptualization of freedom as an unrestricted means of living aimless and disorientated lifestyles of food, ford and fun. But rather as a free choice of personal improvement (via education) and development Then I guess it wouldn't be really a disordered step down when we are really left on our own to pursue the things that truly matter to us.

okok.... stop your philo-moral evangelizations Jesse. You said that today is chaotic, so whats still so chaotic about it then if you can preach so much about freedom and order?

bleagh- the contents of the lecture of course, the first module I'm taking is " Taming Chaos " remember? Dude- I've got Chaos Theory to get myself ordered to you know...

Plans for the week 2

Alright, the week's nearly out- fun and games are over boys. We've got skool on Monday.

So what of the past week?

Firstly, I got even more information on Ethics and Morality this week to cover more than a book. And yes, all the information is very subjective and points everywhere. I don't think I can do this topic justice by simply making a stand and going ahead with my selective arguments. Project RN (T2) has to hold or expand, and currently I am understaffed.

So we gotta hold on, okay?

As for the story thingy, I kinda got the first chapter out. Its philosophical, thank you very much, and the storyline was just conceptualized within 37 seconds while I was in the lift of my apartment. If you guys are into bland stories with an expository punch, you may view it at :

http://www.fictionpress.com/s/2669230/1/Project_RNST_A_short_story

So that leaves the picture. Remember this one from last week? Yup.





Right... I finished the picture only this morning. It took much longer than expected, taking a total time of about 16 hours (in 5 days) instead of the postulated 3 days I had said last week. The tools used were 4B and 6B pencils again, with an analogue eraser; This time, after scanning it in, I used Power Point (instead of Paint) to edit out the smudge spots. The picture is as follows:





Right right- personal AAR session now...

First glance- cool; First impression- I like. Is it your best Jesse? So far... maybe? but might be better if I had a month and it's me in the picture (as the guy okay-).

Yes- it's pitch dark again... and Jesse! What have you done to their hair?! its all black now! They are not supposed to all have black hair?!

I know I know- I got no choice okay? My base copy was in ink (and not in pencil), so the only way to 'rub' of the dark stains is to get darker. I also know that the light was supposed to be coming from behind, but we gotta suck thumb dude... there were more errors on the the left than on the right so its best that the shadows all congregate on the left.

But I am quite surprised by how they all turned out eventually. I never thought that I could ever keep their characteristics if I were going to paint nearly half the white black. And it's a pleasant surprise to find out that not only they were quite true to the original picture that my friend had given to me, but also quite true to the original picture we had drawn inspiration from. If you wonder why they look as such, let me give you a very brief character intro, starting from bottom left in anticlockwise motion, we have:

-A little girl of 13 years (okay she looks 11- but at least not 24 like poor Nodoka in the last picture!)
-A nerdy guy of 19 years (he looks 17, but at least he doesn't look like muscle man- and that's a good thing)
-A foxy lady of 20 years (I really like this one... yes- she's kinda bitchy... can see right?)
-Some pacific Indian of 14 years (age; slightly out- pacific Indian Look; quite there... verdict- looks like her older sister... oh well){ the hair was mission impossible, what you are witnessing now is called an artistic miracle}
-Kendo witch (hair, slightly too much- but it was inevitable cuz otherwise it looks even weird. Her eyes have a slight demonic look, at least its true to her demonic form in the original-)
-[Middle]: Main female character (Took me 5 days of deciding how the eyes should go... I don't regret the time spent.)

So there we are, Dejengskian interpretation of these characters- Definitely could be better and still under slight refining currently. Final words? Thank God its finally over... and thanks to Sam for his original drawing- I couldn't draw anything for starters... (u see no new detail is added)

and...

Moral of the story: Don't ask for a 6 person picture if you know whats good for you, Jesse.

Alright Ladies, we've got skool on Monday- LOL

Plans for the Week

Yesterday was great fun- Quan You's birthday party was a great success I believe, although I heard that it was nearly a fiasco due to the swine flu. The food was excellent, the company was excellent, and the magic tricks were excellent. And for some weird unknown reason, I actually picked up a few Japanese words there from our class chinaman! Reached home at 1245am... and nearly could not wake up today.

Right Right- next time remind me that I live in Woodlands okay? Nope Jesse- and anywat, who cares? LOL

Now, this is the clinch of the week:

I am going to undertake a couple of assignments to keep the week ahead productive. I'll have to go for some registration thingy at NUS on Thursday, but apart from that I think I got the whole upcoming week for myself. So instead of festering at home in front of my computer playing games.... here goes.

This is what I received on Friday:



Okkkayyyy- First look, and it looks big. Really Big, and there are quite a lot of people in there too. Its a motley gang up there (and not a bad bunch for starters), and frankly speaking I never attempted shading more than twp people within a single picture. I usually take three hours to get a person up... I think I need at least 3 days for this one man...

Bleagh- but you like waddd.... somemore you are the one that forced me to draw this.... so what are you complaining about huh?

Nothing, says Jesse, smiling. Absolutely nothing at all... =)

Another thing I would be embarking upon would most probably be a short narrative story excerpt. I shall reveal the details of the story in due time, but for now I can only tell you that I only thought of it this morning in the lift when I was pressing buttons. I'll upload the excerpt (when its done) on the other blog.

Hint: The other blog is a very cheem blog- so I guess it won't be a story about the three little pigs (with swine flu) eh? hahaha.

Research of course, it still undergoing for Project RN (T2)- I am not going to start ranting about it until I know at least what on earth am I talking about. So in the mean time it means a couple of trips to the library and more research online.

I hope that this week ahead would be a very eventful and productive week- I'll update again when I make any form of progress with the story or the picture. And I personally hope that they won't be disappointing. I guess I got my hands full at this point, so I'll not linger any further. Cya soon!