School's out, advent onsets.
A few subtle changes over the routine lifestyle and taken place since last friday. There will not be a need to return back to school, so much of the time during weekdays have been freed for personal agendas. These would come in form firstly as some ''reunion'' outings scheduled with friends, and I'll be looking forward to that. Secondly, an active lifestyle campaign, primarily to lose the academic flab- a congenial mugging by-product courtesy of NUS. Lastly, the re-assimilation of computer games is on the way, but curiously I am actually not that into gaming as I used to anymore.
Still, what else is on the way? The above activities are indeed cool, but they are not exactly something to do every day of the week. I cant go out everyday like this- not that I am putting limits to relationships, but I guess my pockets will be first to scream if i were to keep having scenic outings. Neither can I run or cycle forever, I myself will scream if I were to do that. And no hard-core gaming on lan shops please, both me and my pockets will scream this time.
Okay, so the moral of the story is no screaming.
Nevertheless, we have hit the crux of the problem. The moral of the story is that something else more meaningful (I am really using this term overtly) has to be in place to compliment the pleasure function that sensory-social-extraversion brings. After all, the two greatest needs of man is of love, and productive work. Nuahing is hard-core, and chilling's hot. But whats really cool this christmas is either a dose of hot-sultry love, or some heartwarming activities to keep the soul (the seat of conviction) open.
... How ironic. And by the way, forget the hot sultry love part yah? Treat is as if there is only option #02.
I guess this advent calls for another period of advent. Well, anticipation and preparation would be more specific a word. There are still quite a lot of personal decisions waiting to be sorted out that were put off for the past 13 weeks. The projects to undertake in the future (collaboration? outsource?), the academic-career vocation discernments i.e. job prospects/ financial planning, as well as the religious counterpart during the CSS retreat come 9-11th December. Lastly, I really need to get out of my head the in-grained stereotypes between INFJs and INFPs (all thanks to psychology). I know this sounds like 'what-the-hell' to many people, and no offence to anyone who is innately INFP/J. I have to stop binging to mind the pink-elephant for now, so yup I'll only rant about it in the shower, or at least when people ask me about it.
Oh yah, not to mention a Taiwan Trip as some sort of zen retreat.
Well then, I guess this amount of forecasting should do for now. To those we're meeting: till then. To those I havent planned meeting, hopefully till then. Otherwise, have an advently advent, dawn is approaching.
Cheers.
30 November 2010
21 November 2010
Re- Personality (MBTI characterization)
(An excerpt):
it doesnt matter who u r-
INFP, ISTJ even ESTJ
Although u know all 16 is needed in modersation to live an objective life
u know that a human cannot be everything due to his imperfections and limited resources
but u have proven that one has the will to change even his own personality as long as enough conviction (and by the Grace of God) is trained onto it
u be who u feel best,
no one expects u to be all 16 at once.
just as long as, in that little niche of yours, u readily enact the love ideal,
thats more than what u are supposed to do as a human with a distinct personality
it doesnt matter who u r-
INFP, ISTJ even ESTJ
Although u know all 16 is needed in modersation to live an objective life
u know that a human cannot be everything due to his imperfections and limited resources
but u have proven that one has the will to change even his own personality as long as enough conviction (and by the Grace of God) is trained onto it
u be who u feel best,
no one expects u to be all 16 at once.
just as long as, in that little niche of yours, u readily enact the love ideal,
thats more than what u are supposed to do as a human with a distinct personality
13 November 2010
review of the semester
Today saw to the first fruits of labour- I managed to complete a quiz that I studied for two days ago. I know that the past few quizzes (and lab reports) had been really smooth sailing for me, even though there were times I really doubted my potential. Nevertheless, I am thankful for all the assistance I have received along the way. Cheers.
Insofar, this semester has been great. The past three months isn't what I might call "high-flying" or "smooth sailing", but if there is a phrase for it I guess I would say it's indeed a time like never before. How is it so exactly? Its really hard to describe I guess. But as I take a break today from all the studying this evening and sit back enjoying missed out episodes on YouTube over a cup of iced Milo, I guess it would only be meaningful for me to end this with something retrospective.
May ended with a serious bout of cognitive dissonance and a general hatred towards university. I could have recalled myself posting increasingly random excerpts on this domain, and some of them were so offensive I did not even dare post them myself. I hated the way of life- the bell curve, the incomprehensible lectures and the ungainly tutorials, and much above it I really couldn't connect with the people I hang out with. Critical thinking and writing in special semester was too disappointing- I really thought that it was the place I may finally let off some steam idealistically, but was told that I have to scale them down and only focus whats at hand. In the end what I had left was just a formulative criticism of essays whose issues were about sex and engineering failures and unscrupulous bureaucrats. Truthfully, I thought that this semester would be a continuation of this nightmare, and I had a few discussions with my parents to just quit school and re-apply into a different course.
So I started august a little apprehensive. FOC had brought about some light to university life, and like a moth to a lightbulb I was drawn towards the community. Well, it wasn't easy to commit, even though it just meant hanging on every wednesday evening to just smile sincerely at people. But looking back at what Xam and I had shared over the years- whats really left to do after all the emo-ing and complaining and denying and hating and derogating was to really stop expecting affirmations but to enact it in the first place. Moreover, I was aware that I might be too imposing on my idealistic cognitive developments. Scaring people away is so NOT cool.
August transited on to September. All the bad habits developed in JC carried forward, and after the initial two tutorials I simply stopped downloading those questions altogether. Yet the assignments latched onto me like a disgruntled koala. Mondays were CE2407 assignments, and Fridays were CE2134's. Yet I perservered on with my fifth module- social psych. The entire module, frankly speaking, was an expansion of my old project. So every chapter something I could directly correlate with. Projects came and went, and I kinda enjoyed the hands-on sections. Still, it was not exceptional.
Yet it was October that got me thinking. On the academic side, October was the time I really started to get focused with my studies. Lala land is passe, and its about time to stop pussy-footing around with my ideals and aspirations. Yet on a personal side, the Patrician meeting brought me to a realization that what I had should really not be buried away just because I want to be accepted as a 'normal human' with 'normal concerns'. Yes, it's unorthodoxical for a twenty one year old to battle head-on with terror-management theory people only worry about when they turn fifty, or utilize statistical concepts to contemplate about free-will. But the fact remains that whats done has been done, and most importantly, will eventually be done.
What does this mean?
I don't think I can write an 'emotional' post. I had my fair share of emo-ing back in JC2 on this blog, and on the old diaries I keep then. Neither may I write another philosophical post: I do not need any further self-persuasion on who I am, and what I ought to be. What I type here today is perhaps personal, informal, yet very saturated with information and ideological connotations. This being a product of moderation of the two lifestyles I had experienced, each with their ups and downs.
And it is precisely what this semester is essentially- a moderation between the experiences in JC- the lighheartedness, materialistic emotiveness, ignorance in expression and halcyon; as well as the experiences in factual representation, exposition, personal idealism, and the higher connotations. In essence, this semester was that personal revival of positive attitudes that people are innately beautiful lost back then. However this time I know these words are no longer flowy, groundless hallucinations that the world is sunflowers and rainbows. The backing to these attitudes are real, substantial, and far-reaching.
There will, very soon, come a time when these posts on my attitudes to this world will eventually end. I am not worried if I may discontinue these excerpts and head on to the other aspects- say: a job or a new commitment. After all, it is eventual for these words and ideals to eventually manifest themselves as concrete actions of truth and meaning. This domain (blog) has indeed served it's primary purpose in penning down personal thoughts as it was intended to be. Till then, what has been lived has been appreciated, and whats there to do will always be convicted.
Insofar, this semester has been great. The past three months isn't what I might call "high-flying" or "smooth sailing", but if there is a phrase for it I guess I would say it's indeed a time like never before. How is it so exactly? Its really hard to describe I guess. But as I take a break today from all the studying this evening and sit back enjoying missed out episodes on YouTube over a cup of iced Milo, I guess it would only be meaningful for me to end this with something retrospective.
May ended with a serious bout of cognitive dissonance and a general hatred towards university. I could have recalled myself posting increasingly random excerpts on this domain, and some of them were so offensive I did not even dare post them myself. I hated the way of life- the bell curve, the incomprehensible lectures and the ungainly tutorials, and much above it I really couldn't connect with the people I hang out with. Critical thinking and writing in special semester was too disappointing- I really thought that it was the place I may finally let off some steam idealistically, but was told that I have to scale them down and only focus whats at hand. In the end what I had left was just a formulative criticism of essays whose issues were about sex and engineering failures and unscrupulous bureaucrats. Truthfully, I thought that this semester would be a continuation of this nightmare, and I had a few discussions with my parents to just quit school and re-apply into a different course.
So I started august a little apprehensive. FOC had brought about some light to university life, and like a moth to a lightbulb I was drawn towards the community. Well, it wasn't easy to commit, even though it just meant hanging on every wednesday evening to just smile sincerely at people. But looking back at what Xam and I had shared over the years- whats really left to do after all the emo-ing and complaining and denying and hating and derogating was to really stop expecting affirmations but to enact it in the first place. Moreover, I was aware that I might be too imposing on my idealistic cognitive developments. Scaring people away is so NOT cool.
August transited on to September. All the bad habits developed in JC carried forward, and after the initial two tutorials I simply stopped downloading those questions altogether. Yet the assignments latched onto me like a disgruntled koala. Mondays were CE2407 assignments, and Fridays were CE2134's. Yet I perservered on with my fifth module- social psych. The entire module, frankly speaking, was an expansion of my old project. So every chapter something I could directly correlate with. Projects came and went, and I kinda enjoyed the hands-on sections. Still, it was not exceptional.
Yet it was October that got me thinking. On the academic side, October was the time I really started to get focused with my studies. Lala land is passe, and its about time to stop pussy-footing around with my ideals and aspirations. Yet on a personal side, the Patrician meeting brought me to a realization that what I had should really not be buried away just because I want to be accepted as a 'normal human' with 'normal concerns'. Yes, it's unorthodoxical for a twenty one year old to battle head-on with terror-management theory people only worry about when they turn fifty, or utilize statistical concepts to contemplate about free-will. But the fact remains that whats done has been done, and most importantly, will eventually be done.
What does this mean?
I don't think I can write an 'emotional' post. I had my fair share of emo-ing back in JC2 on this blog, and on the old diaries I keep then. Neither may I write another philosophical post: I do not need any further self-persuasion on who I am, and what I ought to be. What I type here today is perhaps personal, informal, yet very saturated with information and ideological connotations. This being a product of moderation of the two lifestyles I had experienced, each with their ups and downs.
And it is precisely what this semester is essentially- a moderation between the experiences in JC- the lighheartedness, materialistic emotiveness, ignorance in expression and halcyon; as well as the experiences in factual representation, exposition, personal idealism, and the higher connotations. In essence, this semester was that personal revival of positive attitudes that people are innately beautiful lost back then. However this time I know these words are no longer flowy, groundless hallucinations that the world is sunflowers and rainbows. The backing to these attitudes are real, substantial, and far-reaching.
There will, very soon, come a time when these posts on my attitudes to this world will eventually end. I am not worried if I may discontinue these excerpts and head on to the other aspects- say: a job or a new commitment. After all, it is eventual for these words and ideals to eventually manifest themselves as concrete actions of truth and meaning. This domain (blog) has indeed served it's primary purpose in penning down personal thoughts as it was intended to be. Till then, what has been lived has been appreciated, and whats there to do will always be convicted.
12 November 2010
Studyfest
Our beloved time of the year has arrived again.
Well before we proceed any further, lets put better definition to the above statement. By the term 'our' I'm collectively pointing to the group of students. It doesnt really matter what level, or what institutions we come from, so as long as we understand the value of intensive studying two weeks before examination proper; that being the meaning of 'time'. A few comments on this period of time: it is unforgiving, it is punishing (on our psyches and well-being), but nevertheless it is beloved- since I would have most probably died if I were to have an examination without any preparation.
So it is: hours of studying superposed by more hours of procrastination and even more hours of worrying makes up 90% of the hours in a day. Occasionally the studying hours extend into sleep hours, and Mohr's circle (a very specialized engineering circle) suddenly incepts inself into a dream (can't remember the original contents) very insidiously. I woke up this morning remembering contents of social psych instead of the usual 'where am I again' question. Indeed, the monkey has gone funky.
Yes, it sucks. No student in the right mind pays thousands a semester to get their brains fried most delectably, but nevertheless I must stress once more that education is in itself a from of progress to the higher perfection. No, I am not tyring to psycho myself that sitting down nine hours a day is reading lecture notes is fun. Yet it is now adequately justified I guess- not because it gives us a better job or a future (that is really a bad reason people say), but because while it gives us all of the above, it simultaneously refines our knowledge of this world we live in, and of ourselves. The implications of this would be really philosophical and ends up in christian doctrines again I guess. After all, everything goes full circle to the big G like how Mr Mohr postulates it to be.
Okay, back to earth.
I'll be going for mass later at 6'at NUS with the CSS people. It's a weekday mass dedicated for the upcoming examinations, and while part of me laments that it would most probably take up a few hours of my revision time, some time has to be rededicated back to where it rightfully belongs (since everything does go in full circle to the big G). In the meantime, I guess its definitely another bout of revision for me. A really sincere 'good luck and God bless' to all those who are also revising for their upcoming examinations (be it 1, 2 or 3 weeks). This is brain-fried Jesse signing out from blogger.com. You guys take care =)
Well before we proceed any further, lets put better definition to the above statement. By the term 'our' I'm collectively pointing to the group of students. It doesnt really matter what level, or what institutions we come from, so as long as we understand the value of intensive studying two weeks before examination proper; that being the meaning of 'time'. A few comments on this period of time: it is unforgiving, it is punishing (on our psyches and well-being), but nevertheless it is beloved- since I would have most probably died if I were to have an examination without any preparation.
So it is: hours of studying superposed by more hours of procrastination and even more hours of worrying makes up 90% of the hours in a day. Occasionally the studying hours extend into sleep hours, and Mohr's circle (a very specialized engineering circle) suddenly incepts inself into a dream (can't remember the original contents) very insidiously. I woke up this morning remembering contents of social psych instead of the usual 'where am I again' question. Indeed, the monkey has gone funky.
Yes, it sucks. No student in the right mind pays thousands a semester to get their brains fried most delectably, but nevertheless I must stress once more that education is in itself a from of progress to the higher perfection. No, I am not tyring to psycho myself that sitting down nine hours a day is reading lecture notes is fun. Yet it is now adequately justified I guess- not because it gives us a better job or a future (that is really a bad reason people say), but because while it gives us all of the above, it simultaneously refines our knowledge of this world we live in, and of ourselves. The implications of this would be really philosophical and ends up in christian doctrines again I guess. After all, everything goes full circle to the big G like how Mr Mohr postulates it to be.
Okay, back to earth.
I'll be going for mass later at 6'at NUS with the CSS people. It's a weekday mass dedicated for the upcoming examinations, and while part of me laments that it would most probably take up a few hours of my revision time, some time has to be rededicated back to where it rightfully belongs (since everything does go in full circle to the big G). In the meantime, I guess its definitely another bout of revision for me. A really sincere 'good luck and God bless' to all those who are also revising for their upcoming examinations (be it 1, 2 or 3 weeks). This is brain-fried Jesse signing out from blogger.com. You guys take care =)
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