I have realized that I have kept rather silent, introspectively, for this past month. Well, this comes as a certain sort of anomaly, since I believe that I don't usually shut up when it comes to blogging. I guess I have been using this space as a primary domain for me to collate, pen, and revise my attitudes to life. Much ado to self introspection and retrospection, I really hope I may make meaning out of these excerpts to improve and learn.
So then, I guess this blog has to persist on a little while longer.
Well, bearing in mind that today is the 27th of September, one has to realize that this month (September) is nearly over. In short, I guess it's really quite a quirky month on it's own. I do not wish to attribute too quickly whether it was in general a good month or a bad one, since I don't really subscribe to the notion of 'good days' or 'bad days'. But beyond the routines of academics in school, I guess I had my own share of ups and downs for the past month.
I am sure I have ranted many times before what today is, on what era and what age on my own calendar it demarcates itself within, and under which conceptualization of the RN domain my thoughts lie under. I am not going to give up on these quantifiers of life just yet, But I guess I do not wish to impose my subjective idealism for today- Its really time for me to return back to this world, and its about time i stop making information any less accessible to those around me as much as I had made myself inaccessible to others over the past few months.
Insofar, I am still on my way trying to be a better person. Retrospecting, my current disposition has not changed much over the past few months, despite I keep reminding myself to be more caring and concerned with people around me. Yes, perhaps with the breakthroughs over the past few months in my own thinking- I am perhaps able to see my friends and acquaintances around me in a much more humane light: as people worthy of respect and as sanctified individuals- images of Christ, rather than people desperately in need of self-enlightenment and a philosophy to life. However much as I would like to start living this life in communion; perhaps it's just my internal disposition to shut up when I get weary, or to ramble excessively on my part, I guess I have not been exactly complimentary in my actions.
Yes, on may times I have lamented on this disparity between my ideals, and what I am actually doing in this world. At times I blame it entirely on others, for not giving me a chance to be; and other times I blame myself for procrastinating, for being a hypocrite, and thus a failed individual. Even as I speak today, I have yet to resolve this issue, and hence this disparity still poses as one of the biggest hurdles I have to seek re-affirmation from. I don't think I am strong enough to make an indelible change on this world arbitrary, so prayers, and of course help from others would really make my day.
Otherwise, I guess that I am quite appreciatory of my current life so far. On where I am today, the people I have met, and the people I still keep in contact with (yes, I am being very general here). There seems to be a time for everything to be- from sharing during CGs, to people to study and excel with, and to people to give counsel, as well as be counseled in turn, as well as people I can sit back and scream random nonsense over a cup of coffee. Yes, I have to admit that I have actually been blessed to meet these groups of people who have filled up the various domains of my life. And in this respect I have to concede that I have actually been living, very much, a life I had always wanted to be. Although (from the above paragraph) I know that we're still not very close to the perfect relationship, I hope that to these people, whom I had more or less seeked re-affirmation with, may grow along with me in relationship and communion, yet retaining their own individuality to bring meaning to their friends in turn.
As for academics, I guess I have found substantial conviction to carry on. My resolute to be an educator still resonates, and I would really hope to integrate my domains of psychology and physics to raise the overall human condition. Although the chances for distinctions and being the top-student are relatively low, there shouldn't be anything too regretful as long I do not waste my life away in decadence. Hopefully I may do substantially well by the end of this semester, I am looking forward to my 3rd trip to Japan, and hopefully a smooth transition to 2011. as for my hectic workload, hopefully I may seek perseverance to carry on.
It's about time to move on- away from merely preaching theories and concepts, to a more subtle, humane, and meaningful life where the others are always brought before the self. I don't know if this ought to be accomplished arbitrarily (via a campaign), or it manifest on it's own. I guess this calls for discernment, but much as I end this post today, let it be known that this will is not completely mine to make.
Have fun =)
27 September 2010
19 September 2010
Finishing what I have begun
I thought I need not bring it to mind again- I thought it was already a lost cause.
Yes, I am referring to RN(T) again, I have not mentioned it for nearly half a year, I had given up trying to finish it back in March.
I had stopped shortly after the realization of the love ideal. I never got to coursing through the last stretch to reconcile this answer to the living best with the ultimate ends of religion. I never related back the true nature of love, its source, and how one should act knowing that love itself has an origin.
As a result I faltered in fear for the end of existence after the end of this life. Should love, being the ultimate meaning of life back then in March, end with life itself, then there will be no more meaning beyond death. I could not see that love itself is transcendental- that it goes beyond all realism and idealism, and all existence itself. No doubt, I could not see that the final answer I had to my initial question was actually incomplete, not because I have not answered it perfectly, but because my question was not holistic in the first place.
The living best- the true way to living, and the meaning of life- there is indeed more beyond just these questions, I should have seen that coming. The other domain of the afterlife, when merged with this domain of the living best, can be reconciled only when love is considered with respect to it's origin (God), and not merely manifested love on earth.
Only will I then break away from these repercussions of restlessness of an incomplete philosophy to life, only will I then fully re-affirm all domains of my life together. Only will I then see a final answer that quenches the thirsting of my soul, and only then will I finally be able to manifest this philosophy of life.
Interestingly, how this realization can happen only after I have gained so much insight from those around me in CSS. It is as though what I had did for the past 21 months were like beating straw- loud, impressive, but empty. Indeed, affirmation is what I truly need, and even for the RN domain, where I had always thought was the source for all re-affirmations, even for it affirmation from others was still needed.
Yes, I will have to complete this final section on RN(T). It's so nostalgic, yet so empowering to re-open the archives once more in knowledge that I am finally concluding this 'legendary' campaign objectively, and at the same time, coming full cycle to answer all the questions I ever had all my life. Yes, I am truly glad today for this realization-
Yes, I am referring to RN(T) again, I have not mentioned it for nearly half a year, I had given up trying to finish it back in March.
I had stopped shortly after the realization of the love ideal. I never got to coursing through the last stretch to reconcile this answer to the living best with the ultimate ends of religion. I never related back the true nature of love, its source, and how one should act knowing that love itself has an origin.
As a result I faltered in fear for the end of existence after the end of this life. Should love, being the ultimate meaning of life back then in March, end with life itself, then there will be no more meaning beyond death. I could not see that love itself is transcendental- that it goes beyond all realism and idealism, and all existence itself. No doubt, I could not see that the final answer I had to my initial question was actually incomplete, not because I have not answered it perfectly, but because my question was not holistic in the first place.
The living best- the true way to living, and the meaning of life- there is indeed more beyond just these questions, I should have seen that coming. The other domain of the afterlife, when merged with this domain of the living best, can be reconciled only when love is considered with respect to it's origin (God), and not merely manifested love on earth.
Only will I then break away from these repercussions of restlessness of an incomplete philosophy to life, only will I then fully re-affirm all domains of my life together. Only will I then see a final answer that quenches the thirsting of my soul, and only then will I finally be able to manifest this philosophy of life.
Interestingly, how this realization can happen only after I have gained so much insight from those around me in CSS. It is as though what I had did for the past 21 months were like beating straw- loud, impressive, but empty. Indeed, affirmation is what I truly need, and even for the RN domain, where I had always thought was the source for all re-affirmations, even for it affirmation from others was still needed.
Yes, I will have to complete this final section on RN(T). It's so nostalgic, yet so empowering to re-open the archives once more in knowledge that I am finally concluding this 'legendary' campaign objectively, and at the same time, coming full cycle to answer all the questions I ever had all my life. Yes, I am truly glad today for this realization-
02 September 2010
Some words
Is it not inevitable that what I had started off will lead me to this day?
The life of the highest meaning is actually a simple life lived in service to others, in both cognitive and emotive aspects, on tangible and idealistic aspects. This service is not arbitrary, nor obligated under any jurisdiction. This service takes form of an union, and it is in this union and it's derivative concepts that reaffirms one's identity to an objective being. This service is the service of love, and while it seemingly takes form as a humblest act, it fulfills completely the highest transcendentals of truth and goodness in human philosophy.
Maybe it did take a lot longer for me than others to finally state this with confidence. It is definitely not a groundbreaking or radical answer- and actually it has been something I had taken for granted all the time while sitting back in catechism class and wondering if there would be a better tomorrow. I guess I really did take a massive detour, proving this fundamental doctrine of Christianity from fundamental principles of determinism, through the back door of human reason (nothing impressive here), and finally to this conclusive statements that paves a higher gateway to the proof of the existence of God (I. Kant). Beyond that would really be the domain of theology, and of course I do not want to give my interpretation to what Christianity should be lest I inadvertently shift the meaning of my religion to form my own cult.
Maybe I should have realized that idealism and realism is equally transcendental in nature, and that even with so much intellectual enlightenment on the love ideal what I am actually doing is merely a subjective circular reasoning. It did take me a while to finally shed this pride of wanting to be different, to be enlightened, and to draw comfort that I 'know' the ways of the living best; and from there to return back to life and manifest this love ideal as a service of love itself. At many times I do reproach myself, wondering if I am turning 'soft' or blindingly compromising to others. However, I draw comfort in the confidence of the virtue of humility. I do not dare to claim that I have perfected this love as a service to my neighbors, or even as an ideal. But may I be bold enough to state that as much as I may consciously allow it to be, my agendas will be towards the greater development in this aspect.
Yes, I may become tired at times- selfish at others, and indifferent along the way. I do sincerely apologize to whomever I have offended, neglected, or disunited. Yet much as I wish, there is still a certain limit on how much I may attempt to bring forth this ideal. Of those who fully understand these words I speak today, as well all the workings towards this goal. I am very glad that we have come so far in this point in life- yet let this re-affirmation not end between us, but do try to bring forth this to other acquaintances. Indeed, epistemology and conventional life come hand in hand as proponents of truth. Definitely, be it an intellectual comprehension of truth or a personal experience of meaning, do spread this hope. Of course, bear in mind that even this act should always be an act of service to others, and not for the self. This way, it will never be an issue of self-imposition or ego-centric actions.
Yes, these words I speak today is eventual- even in consideration to the initial selfish aims to harmonize the wisdom of God into a personal theory to seek an arbitrary answer to the living best. My reasoning is circular, or complete, depending on how you may view it to be. I still do not fully know what this would lead me too, on how should I put it to good use. Yet nevertheless, looking around at the meaningful things that have happened these few days, I guess I may finally appreciate this world, these people, and this life for one more day.
The life of the highest meaning is actually a simple life lived in service to others, in both cognitive and emotive aspects, on tangible and idealistic aspects. This service is not arbitrary, nor obligated under any jurisdiction. This service takes form of an union, and it is in this union and it's derivative concepts that reaffirms one's identity to an objective being. This service is the service of love, and while it seemingly takes form as a humblest act, it fulfills completely the highest transcendentals of truth and goodness in human philosophy.
Maybe it did take a lot longer for me than others to finally state this with confidence. It is definitely not a groundbreaking or radical answer- and actually it has been something I had taken for granted all the time while sitting back in catechism class and wondering if there would be a better tomorrow. I guess I really did take a massive detour, proving this fundamental doctrine of Christianity from fundamental principles of determinism, through the back door of human reason (nothing impressive here), and finally to this conclusive statements that paves a higher gateway to the proof of the existence of God (I. Kant). Beyond that would really be the domain of theology, and of course I do not want to give my interpretation to what Christianity should be lest I inadvertently shift the meaning of my religion to form my own cult.
Maybe I should have realized that idealism and realism is equally transcendental in nature, and that even with so much intellectual enlightenment on the love ideal what I am actually doing is merely a subjective circular reasoning. It did take me a while to finally shed this pride of wanting to be different, to be enlightened, and to draw comfort that I 'know' the ways of the living best; and from there to return back to life and manifest this love ideal as a service of love itself. At many times I do reproach myself, wondering if I am turning 'soft' or blindingly compromising to others. However, I draw comfort in the confidence of the virtue of humility. I do not dare to claim that I have perfected this love as a service to my neighbors, or even as an ideal. But may I be bold enough to state that as much as I may consciously allow it to be, my agendas will be towards the greater development in this aspect.
Yes, I may become tired at times- selfish at others, and indifferent along the way. I do sincerely apologize to whomever I have offended, neglected, or disunited. Yet much as I wish, there is still a certain limit on how much I may attempt to bring forth this ideal. Of those who fully understand these words I speak today, as well all the workings towards this goal. I am very glad that we have come so far in this point in life- yet let this re-affirmation not end between us, but do try to bring forth this to other acquaintances. Indeed, epistemology and conventional life come hand in hand as proponents of truth. Definitely, be it an intellectual comprehension of truth or a personal experience of meaning, do spread this hope. Of course, bear in mind that even this act should always be an act of service to others, and not for the self. This way, it will never be an issue of self-imposition or ego-centric actions.
Yes, these words I speak today is eventual- even in consideration to the initial selfish aims to harmonize the wisdom of God into a personal theory to seek an arbitrary answer to the living best. My reasoning is circular, or complete, depending on how you may view it to be. I still do not fully know what this would lead me too, on how should I put it to good use. Yet nevertheless, looking around at the meaningful things that have happened these few days, I guess I may finally appreciate this world, these people, and this life for one more day.
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