I have realized that I have kept rather silent, introspectively, for this past month. Well, this comes as a certain sort of anomaly, since I believe that I don't usually shut up when it comes to blogging. I guess I have been using this space as a primary domain for me to collate, pen, and revise my attitudes to life. Much ado to self introspection and retrospection, I really hope I may make meaning out of these excerpts to improve and learn.
So then, I guess this blog has to persist on a little while longer.
Well, bearing in mind that today is the 27th of September, one has to realize that this month (September) is nearly over. In short, I guess it's really quite a quirky month on it's own. I do not wish to attribute too quickly whether it was in general a good month or a bad one, since I don't really subscribe to the notion of 'good days' or 'bad days'. But beyond the routines of academics in school, I guess I had my own share of ups and downs for the past month.
I am sure I have ranted many times before what today is, on what era and what age on my own calendar it demarcates itself within, and under which conceptualization of the RN domain my thoughts lie under. I am not going to give up on these quantifiers of life just yet, But I guess I do not wish to impose my subjective idealism for today- Its really time for me to return back to this world, and its about time i stop making information any less accessible to those around me as much as I had made myself inaccessible to others over the past few months.
Insofar, I am still on my way trying to be a better person. Retrospecting, my current disposition has not changed much over the past few months, despite I keep reminding myself to be more caring and concerned with people around me. Yes, perhaps with the breakthroughs over the past few months in my own thinking- I am perhaps able to see my friends and acquaintances around me in a much more humane light: as people worthy of respect and as sanctified individuals- images of Christ, rather than people desperately in need of self-enlightenment and a philosophy to life. However much as I would like to start living this life in communion; perhaps it's just my internal disposition to shut up when I get weary, or to ramble excessively on my part, I guess I have not been exactly complimentary in my actions.
Yes, on may times I have lamented on this disparity between my ideals, and what I am actually doing in this world. At times I blame it entirely on others, for not giving me a chance to be; and other times I blame myself for procrastinating, for being a hypocrite, and thus a failed individual. Even as I speak today, I have yet to resolve this issue, and hence this disparity still poses as one of the biggest hurdles I have to seek re-affirmation from. I don't think I am strong enough to make an indelible change on this world arbitrary, so prayers, and of course help from others would really make my day.
Otherwise, I guess that I am quite appreciatory of my current life so far. On where I am today, the people I have met, and the people I still keep in contact with (yes, I am being very general here). There seems to be a time for everything to be- from sharing during CGs, to people to study and excel with, and to people to give counsel, as well as be counseled in turn, as well as people I can sit back and scream random nonsense over a cup of coffee. Yes, I have to admit that I have actually been blessed to meet these groups of people who have filled up the various domains of my life. And in this respect I have to concede that I have actually been living, very much, a life I had always wanted to be. Although (from the above paragraph) I know that we're still not very close to the perfect relationship, I hope that to these people, whom I had more or less seeked re-affirmation with, may grow along with me in relationship and communion, yet retaining their own individuality to bring meaning to their friends in turn.
As for academics, I guess I have found substantial conviction to carry on. My resolute to be an educator still resonates, and I would really hope to integrate my domains of psychology and physics to raise the overall human condition. Although the chances for distinctions and being the top-student are relatively low, there shouldn't be anything too regretful as long I do not waste my life away in decadence. Hopefully I may do substantially well by the end of this semester, I am looking forward to my 3rd trip to Japan, and hopefully a smooth transition to 2011. as for my hectic workload, hopefully I may seek perseverance to carry on.
It's about time to move on- away from merely preaching theories and concepts, to a more subtle, humane, and meaningful life where the others are always brought before the self. I don't know if this ought to be accomplished arbitrarily (via a campaign), or it manifest on it's own. I guess this calls for discernment, but much as I end this post today, let it be known that this will is not completely mine to make.
Have fun =)
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