I thought I need not bring it to mind again- I thought it was already a lost cause.
Yes, I am referring to RN(T) again, I have not mentioned it for nearly half a year, I had given up trying to finish it back in March.
I had stopped shortly after the realization of the love ideal. I never got to coursing through the last stretch to reconcile this answer to the living best with the ultimate ends of religion. I never related back the true nature of love, its source, and how one should act knowing that love itself has an origin.
As a result I faltered in fear for the end of existence after the end of this life. Should love, being the ultimate meaning of life back then in March, end with life itself, then there will be no more meaning beyond death. I could not see that love itself is transcendental- that it goes beyond all realism and idealism, and all existence itself. No doubt, I could not see that the final answer I had to my initial question was actually incomplete, not because I have not answered it perfectly, but because my question was not holistic in the first place.
The living best- the true way to living, and the meaning of life- there is indeed more beyond just these questions, I should have seen that coming. The other domain of the afterlife, when merged with this domain of the living best, can be reconciled only when love is considered with respect to it's origin (God), and not merely manifested love on earth.
Only will I then break away from these repercussions of restlessness of an incomplete philosophy to life, only will I then fully re-affirm all domains of my life together. Only will I then see a final answer that quenches the thirsting of my soul, and only then will I finally be able to manifest this philosophy of life.
Interestingly, how this realization can happen only after I have gained so much insight from those around me in CSS. It is as though what I had did for the past 21 months were like beating straw- loud, impressive, but empty. Indeed, affirmation is what I truly need, and even for the RN domain, where I had always thought was the source for all re-affirmations, even for it affirmation from others was still needed.
Yes, I will have to complete this final section on RN(T). It's so nostalgic, yet so empowering to re-open the archives once more in knowledge that I am finally concluding this 'legendary' campaign objectively, and at the same time, coming full cycle to answer all the questions I ever had all my life. Yes, I am truly glad today for this realization-
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