A Proverb
Before I go on I would wish to make some issues clear: I do not ramble unnecessarily unless I truly hit on a dead end in my endeavours. Also, I am sick of masking my words- so I shall be direct in my approach today.
Frankly speaking, there are instances where I wish that I had never engaged in Campaign RN. I wish I had never asked the question on why my life was incomplete. I wish I never resolved to seek out the living best of life.
I am just another ingnorant youth to go by. I was barely twenty then, and I had all the reason in the world to build up my whole life in sweet surrender to the forces of society. I could have clubbed, fucked, lamented about love for the sake of being emotional, and viewed life from my selfish point of view. Enlightenment and truth would not onset till mid adulthood, moderation meaning and manifestation might just have never existed!
But ironically, I had chosen this path. A blithering idiot to venture into something so... idealistic and intangible- and the biggest joke of the day is the fact that he actually does this thinking he is actually being more in union with this world itself.
Please laugh at this joke okay?
Tell me, what bloody good is it for me to live two irreconcilable lifestyles I cannot even pinpoint where they belong to in the first place? To smile and cover this cancerous growth within him beneath this heavy petticoat of lies? To call upon myself with a name that masks the grave realization that I can never be my 'true' self as long as I draw philosophy from this domain of truth? Answer me!
Day in and out I ponder within, watching people fall, rise, then fall again. An innate tendence to really gush out and help them, to guide them, and yet to empower the self along the way. Yet indifference was the only action I demostrated at the end of the day. After all, I am not appreciated when I am around, and I am neither missed when I leave. So why should I impose myself unnecessarily beyond my own comfort zones? To respect me? to respect them? to fear making a mockery out of them?
No- I am selfish, and I choose to live in denial: I do not want to make a mockery of myself. Period.
Ideals remain no more as ideals- personal conviction, no matter how sensible, is only subjected to my own psychotic mind. Even as I am (still) throwing strands of idealism from that self-imposing domain, a tendency to just bind it all up and commit to the flames arises. Why not? Would it be better for me to type:
I want to fuck around and live a fucked up life.
just as long as it doesnt impose on my grades? After all, its true that grades make future right? Just as long as the fuck-up ness of life doesnt extend to my academics, wouldn't that me a person infinitely much better than this miserable wretch typing these words to no avail??
The living best postulate- that one postulate of self-denial. (please pun this statement)
So tell me, who am I? My personal assessment is officially deemed invalid, since its logically impossible for a person without individulity to identify himself. Go beyond the names, Rach; go beyond the names, Jesse, just like how I have you gone beyond way beyond myself to the point of no return. Tell me many things, Jesse- from that truth that the RN domain is no more than a lie, so that i may formulate an anti-thesis to this living best postulate. Perhaps I may just escape back to reality- of the exaulted actions of narcissism, materialism and promiscuity.
Must you not? The world tells me this story anyway. Love them all.
and fuck is supposed to be love, didn't you assert?
sure =)
Fuck them all then.
While either one exists the other can never manifest.
*
Sidenote: No one is entitled to corrupt the RN domain, and no one may corrupt it except the person who came up with it. So don't tell me how to live my life- after all, your denials can never match up to mine.
No comments:
Post a Comment