Reconstruction

I am tired of being deranged. From now on I'll strive towards the ideals of my religion and love.

I don't deny it; I have been doing a lot of soul searching. Somehow during these two years I have been misunderstood over and over again, put down many more times as insanity, or totally disregarded as a subjective opinion not worthy of consideration. I cried many times, threatened to give up even more, and done a hell lot of crazy things along the way.

I tried taking revenge, forcing my articles to a point of un-readability: Since nobody wants to understand me, might as well make them never understand me....

Such actions are indeed wrong, I guess taking revenge was understandable for my loneliness these two years, but it was nevertheless unacceptable. The whole story I was going to share was a story about love and life and sharing, how could I make it exclusive to myself then? Jesus never stopped loving even though he was hated, so why should I, in my mission a hundred times lesser than his, hate them back?

I do not ask for conversion, I am human, I have a soul, and I too am seeking for a better life where someone would read this and comfort me back when I feel down. Like any normal person, love and re-affirmation is what I need to survive in this world. Maybe I have a little entailment of logic that sticks out like a sore thumb (since it's still not polished by a second opinion), but who cares? The heart of this logic is goodness. I never wanted to play God in the first place anyway.

Yes, from now I'll live with this soreness- this thumb belongs to me, and through thick and thin I'll suck-thumb and pull through.(LOL!) I cannot do much to change the people I meet in life, or denote who is for me... so I guess I'll leave that part up to God and his divine plans.

In the meantime I strive to be truthful, to present my full nature to whoever I meet in life- of course with the intention of goodness and love. And to be a balanced person in my thoughts and feelings.

This world needs love- I am in union with myself now- I get the drift.

Till then, lets rock baby.... boogya!